Love Always, Anna

Hey,

Did I ever tell you about that time in third grade when we met? I was playing at Christina’s house, and you were playing street hockey outside. Christina knew all of you because you lived on the same block and went to Sargent together. I had never met any of you before; I lived across town and went to Poughkeepsie Day. She waved and said hello, trying mostly to get your older brother’s attention. They all grunted and half waved, to cool to be bothered with little girls. You were different though. You stopped, waved and asked how she was. When she introduced me you said hello, asked where I went to school. As soon as you said ‘Cool’ and skated off I was in love.

Massive crush doesn’t even begin to describe the decade of feelings that followed. The fates smiled on me when you were who I got seated next to when I came to Sargent halfway through the year in fifth grade. It was the start of a friendship I had no idea would mean so much to me. Rombout strengthened our bonds, you were the only boy who never said a mean thing to me. That’s a feat for boys, even friends, in middle school.  

By the time ninth grade rolled around I was caught in my own world. Attendance wasn’t really my forte, and I wandered between groups of friends. Even though we were both AP students we didn’t have many classes together freshman or sophomore year. You were always around a corner with a smile and a wave though. When my mom died sophomore year, nobody really knew what to say. A lot of people couldn’t act normal around me or even look me in the eye for months. Not you though, I’ll never forget the day I came back to school and saw you. You caught me at my locker. You just gave me the biggest hug and said I’m sorry. That’s all. You walked away, but it was the most sincere thing anyone said to me. 

From that moment on you were the only one of my friends who never tried to give me advice on the situation. You never tried to tell me how to feel, or what to say. You always listened though. Really listened. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. You’re the only person to this day who’s done that.

Junior and Senior year we were thick as thieves again. You were always one of my favorites. You and I could have a full conversation with a glance. I’ll never forget racing on route 9 in your car on the way home from the drive-in. I laughed so hard that night my abs were sore the next day.

College came and we drifted a little. Three thousand miles will do that to people. You never missed a birthday though. When I came home to visit you were one of the first people I called. The crazy week stints I spent in Tree City are filled with memories that include you. Then I didn’t come home for two years. I missed you terribly but was afraid to tell you. Time and space can change people. 

Not us though. You were just as on board with getting our friendship back as Iwas. Music to my ears. I now get off the phone with a smile. Not only remembering our childhood, but excited for the future of our friendship. I’ve had lots of best friends who were guys, I’ve had lots of romantic interests, coworkers, classmates… they just don’t make ‘em like you. You are kind to a fault, genuine, understatedly funny, and loyal. I’m so lucky o have a friend of your caliber. 

Come to the sunshine state. I miss you fella.

Love Always, Anna

Two weeks of my letter writing project done. What do you guys think so far?

Dear Jack,

Life got in the way. We grew up. we grew apart. I know we both could have tried a little harder. I think thats the point though. We knew that it was time. There were so many things for us both to face, it was time to drop the security blanket. 

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you though. I love you very much. I love that you’ve really embraced who you are. I can see the happiness and accomplishment in your eyes. I’m so happy for you. I see so many good things on the horizon for you. You’re going to do well for yourself. 

I’m always here whenever you need me. I love you more than you know, and I hope one day we will be close again. You’ve done more for me than I could ever tell you!

Love Always, Karen

Anna,

I wish you could forgive yourself. I wish you didn’t hold yourself to a different standard than you hold everyone else. You’re human, just as they are. You are the first to look for the good in people, and the first to attempt compassion. You are are also the first to judge yourself and look for flaws. 

Everything that you have done is a learning experience. Just because your experiences aren’t how you envisioned them at ten, doesn’t mean they are wrong or bad. Would you want to live your life from a ten year old’s perspective? You are allowed to change and grow. It’s good and healthy. Who cares what other people think of you? If you feel good about yourself and are having a good time then that’s enough validation. 

You don’t have to keep a timeline for your life. Everything happens when it should. The world is complicated, but amazing. If you push your life you’ll miss out on the things that you find most interesting about life. You want you life to be an adventure; just let it run it’s course. I promise you will be happy in the end. Don’t worry too much about not getting something done today, it might not be what you want tomorrow.

There are people who love you. Let them. You have magically surrounded people who go out of their way to take care of you every day. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t feel like you don’t deserve it either. I’m sure you fulfill some of their needs as well. They wouldn’t do what they do if they didn’t. You have plenty to offer, I’m sure of it.

You have not squandered your life. It’s just off the beaten path. You are young. Live and love. That’s all I will ever ask of you. Don’t be afraid to let the world in. Don’t be afraid of progress. Let go of past indiscretions, there is nothing you can do about them now. If you’ve learned from them then I forgive you. 

You’ll figure out who you are some day. So relax and enjoy the ride.

Love Always, Anna

Ryan,

Let me preface this letter by saying your girlfriend means more to me than anything. I love her unconditionally, and support her in any decision she makes. Normally I wouldn’t take time out of my day to acknowledge someone I dislike as much as you, but she means more to me than that. That is why I am taking the time to write this letter and get it out of my system before it destroys my friendship.

First of all grow up. You are almost thirty years old; you behave as if you were half that. Possessiveness, bickering, and hypocrisy are not flattering qualities on a grown man. Forest is your girlfriend, not your daughter. You don’t need to know where she is every second of everyday. She is an adult, and the fact that you give her a curfew is absurd. Only letting her go out with her friends if she leaves by 11:30 is ridiculous. You limit her from doing so many things in her life because she is afraid of what you’ll do. The amazing study abroad opportunity? No thanks, Ryan will throw a fit and ruin my stay with whiny child like behavior. Getting a job? Can’t ryan wants me to have the same exact schedule as him so I can’t work weekends. Modeling jobs that pay well? Gotta turn ‘em down cause their might be men on set or partial nudity. Be a man and for once think about what’s right for her instead of what you want.

 Second, I think you are one of the biggest hypocrites I’ve ever met. You constantly give Forest shit because of the way guys might potentially treat her. “They’re always gonna hit on you. They might touch you. Take advantage of you when you/ they’re drunk” Yet you sat by and idly  watched as two drunken assholes objectified, harassed, and humiliated me. You laughed. You could hear me yelling at them. You watched me push them away, and you did nothing. Nothing. You laughed. I know I’m tough and turn everything into sarcasm but if you were a gentleman you would have done something. You don’t deserve her. I hope someone does steal her away in a nightclub. I hope he’s charming, and handsome, and cherishes her like she deserves. I hope he see’s all of her potential and pushes her to achieve more. Instead of smothering her and making her afraid like you do. 

Thirdly, stop with your holier than though attitude. Just because some one you don’t like says something you don’t agree with doesn’t mean you need to instigate. Think about what that person might mean to her and the position you put her in when she has to be divided between people she cares about. Especially, when it’s on Facebook. I come back to the point that you’re thirty. Suck it up and play nice. If you need lessons I’d be glad to give you a few because I’ve been pretending to love you for quite awhile now. I know how much it hurt her when she lost friend over you. That’s why I’ve held this in for so long. That’s while I’ll continue to play nice. I love her. When you love someone you put what they need before what you need. 

A few weeks ago a friend asked her if she could see herself marrying you. She freaked. It’s still bothering her, weeks later. She says that it’s because she’s too young. She’s not in that place at all, babies scare her. That’s all partially true. I think the real reason is that she knows deep down she’s not really happy. I think she knows that marriage with you, the way you behave now, would leave her trapped and unhappy forever. If you’ve been with someone for nearly three years, you know if you want to be with them forever or not. Her heart is telling her she doesn’t. I believe she thinks loves you. I also believe she deserves better.  

I hope you change, or I hope she gets the courage to make the changes in her life that she needs. 

Love Always, Anna

Dear Mom,

I sat down to write this letter as part of a project I’m working on; all I could think of to say was ’ I miss you! I love you! I miss you! I love you!’. It’s not just that I miss you as my mom, or as a part of my daily life. As I get older I realize what an amazing person you truly were, I’ll never get to have that person as a friend. As I experience more things as an adult I’ve come to realize that there are so many conversations we’ll never get to have. I didn’t understand it then but you experienced so much in your lifetime. That’s wisdom I’ll never get to share. I know that if you were still here your relentless optimism, and determination would help me fix so many things in my life. 

I used to hate when people said I looked or acted like you. I was too young to see past the cancer and the motherhood. What I didn’t know was that they were giving me an extraordinary compliment. You were beautiful, and had an infectious soul. That’s what I’ve come to learn from talking to your friends, as an adult instead of as a child. 

You touched so many people’s lives. People have told me that things you said to them are things they still strive to achieve, advice they still use on a daily basis. Decades later, and you’re not even here any more, you still have a hold on people that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I wish more than anything I could have known that person better.

I so regret all the mean and hurtful things I said to you and about you. I was young and naive. Exhaustion, and confusion were talking. I didn’t mean them and I wish I could take them back more than anything I’ve ever said. It was so hard being the kid with the sick mom, and I was scared. I now know how much harder it was for you. I didn’t have a reference point. You fought unbelievably hard to stay with us. I know you did it for us and not for yourself, I see now. 

I miss the way you always smelled like baby lotion or Shalimar. I miss how soft and cool your skin always was. I miss your cooking; it was so complex yet comforting. I wish I had your recipes. I miss watching British television in bed with you. I miss the way you’d always pull out some christmas magic. No one else’s house ever smells as good as ours did. I miss how your encouraging words used to get me excited for my future; it seems more like a chore these days. Most of all I miss hearing you say you loved me, it’s never sounded more sincere from anyone. 

You were an amazing woman. Im so unbelievably lucky you were my mother.

I love and miss you more today than I did yesterday,

Anna

Dear Friend,

I know we’re both where we need to be, but I miss you. I know once you leave home it’s hard to stay in contact, even with the people you love. I see the strong person you’ve become. You don’t let the past affect you and you seem to be so at ease now. I miss the way we used to laugh. One glance and we’d both know exactly what the other was thinking. How we put up with everyone else I still can’t figure out. Life inevitably pulls people apart. If we can get it back in some way, I’m here and I’m ready. I hope that life is kind to you. I hope that you’re getting all of the happiness you deserve, you sure have brought me a lot over the years. I hope I get to see you soon! I miss and love you terribly. More than you’ll ever know. 

Love Always, Anna

Dear Eleanor,

Most people don’t know your first name was Anna. I have been in love with you from the first time I learned about you. I think you have said some of the wisest thing I have ever read. They say that behind every great man is a great woman running the show. In the case of President Roosevelt I know you did a lot. You were such a humanitarian and a wonderful advocate for women’s rights. I owe you more than I even know. Thank you for everything that you did. I would have loved to met you.

Love Always, Anna

Dear Dr. Seuss,

I think you are a genius. The way you masked such important messages in fun, colorful children’s literature is brilliant. Your books are timeless and the illustrations were so unique. I’ve admired you for a long time. As I get older and reread you books I realize how powerful your messages really were. I think your voice will stay strong in history for a long time. I would have loved to hear your perspective on many more issues.

Love Always, Anna

Dear Mr. White,

Charlotte’s Web is my all time favorite book. I think the things you wrote about friendship are some of the most potent and beautiful words I’ve ever read. Your outlook on the world was honest, yet optimistic. Everyday I think about how you said 

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy it; this makes it hard to plan the day.

I think those desires a rooted in all of us. When do we stand up for change and when do we enjoy the simple pleasure in life? I think you will stand as a master of contemporary literature. If I have children I hope you work will be some of their favorite too. I would have loved to had lunch with you. 

Love Always, Anna

 Boy,

Lucky you, you’ve struck my fancy. You’ve got me making a little wish every time my phone goes off that it might be you. You’re smart and funny, with a devilish grin. You make me laugh with your witty banter. I try to hide my excitement, plan my moves around you carefully. It’s hard, you’re too endearing. I’m excited to see what happens. Call me ;)

Love Always, Anna

To those who have come before,

 Some of you I loved. Some of you I liked. Some of you were just a fleeting moment of excitement. There is one thing you all have in common, I have learned something from all of you. I believe that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. There are a few of you I wish I could kiss again, a few of you I wish I had used better judgement around. Every interaction was a lesson. A lesson in love, life, laughter, and heartbreak.

And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I'll have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong

So to you I say thank you. Thank you for helping to make me the person I am today. Im sure there will be many more to be added to this list in the future. Who knows maybe some of us will be again. I leave all that to the fates. Be warned, every day I become stronger in my convictions of what I want, and less tolerant of people who treat me unkindly. I know that some of you are gems though, people I cherish and miss. To you I wish a long life of happiness and love. Thanks for the memories.

Love Always, Anna

Forest,

“If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend.”
- Stone Temple Pilots

There are only so many ways you can tell a person you love them before you run out of words; but there are infinite ways you can show them. Thats what you have taught me, and continue to show me everyday. There are few things that I am certain of, the fact that I would be lost with out you is one I will never doubt.
You are one of the most generous and open hearted people I have ever come across. I am continually amazed by the things you do for others, especially me. You are one of the few that actually will put aside your own agenda to help those around you. I hope you know how much I truly appreciate all you do.
I have more good memories with you than with anyone else I know. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Sometimes it scares me how truly alike we are. It has been said said that friendship is one soul sharing two bodies, that may be the case. I look forward to every second I spend with you and I’m so glad you Facebook asked me to be your best friend.
I’m so happy to see you coming into your own and that you have found a little slice of happiness. I know amazing things await you and I can’t wait to experience them with you. 
I will love you always and forever!
Anna

Morgan, 

I can’t believe you are becoming a man. I remember when you were a baby. Mostly because I wanted to trade you in for a sister, or a puppy. I love you so much and I have so much fun with you, even though you still have a knack for driving me insane. I think That’s a talent little brothers will always posses. I’m so proud of you for establishing your own life in NOLA. I know how shy you can be so I’m so glad you’ve found a group that accepts you and see how funny you are. I know how hard losing Mom was for you. You never let it out. I miss her too. She would be so proud though. You have some good years ahead of you, enjoy them wisely. I love you and I’m here for you always. May Biggie be with you. 

Love Always, Anna

Daddy,

I love you so much. You are my biggest source of strength. From you I got my hair and my eyes, my biggest character flaws, and my relentless ability to carry on. You taught me the joys of Motown, dark chocolate raspberry jellies, lemon, and Jaguars. You are the best Mr. Mom any girl could hope for. You dote on me and are always available with open ears. I know the road has not been easy for you. I worry that our lives are too similar. As much as I want to be like you I want to run from your tragedies and mistakes. I love that as I get older you have really become one of my best friends. We’re a good team, you and me. I miss you more than you know. I have to stop myself from running home to you every day. I love you.  I’m glad I’m you’re my father, couldn’t ask for a better one. 

Love Always, Anna

Hello,

I know we’ve just met so let me give you a lil bio on me. I am the ripe old age of twenty plus two. I’m fortunate enough to live in sunny San Diego, although most days I wish I were wandering aimlessly somewhere in Europe. I hate writing things of this nature cause I never feel anything about myself is interesting enough. I’m sure that hints at deeper routed issues. All of which I wake up everyday will full intentions of working on. However; as E.B. White put it, ‘I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day’. I don’t think I have a strong self identity. One day I’m rockin’ Sperry’s and Polos, the next I’m working it out in black boots and a side satchel. You just met me, maybe you can tell me who you think I am. Really, I just wanna be a Hepburn in a Hilton world. Things I love? Lilacs and bows. The color purple. Black and white photos and skeleton keys. Motown and Blues. I may or may not be obsessed with Elephants and good coffee. Cupcakes. Things I hate? People with bad manners. Being the tallest person in a room. Butterflies and the color red. Putting laundry away. Snakes. Hopes and dreams? To be happy. That’s really all I want, unadulterated happiness. If that means two kids, a volvo, and a white picket fence. So be it. If that means living on a house boat and studying algae with a frenchman named Jean-Luc. So be it. I just want something that makes me jump out of bed every morning excited to start the day. I think it’s gonna be a good journey getting there though. Just a sneaking suspicion. Who knows? Maybe you do…

Love Always, Anna